The Hardboiled Detective

At least he had on boxers by now, for the love o' pete, paired with an open bathrobe. A half hour ago, the elderly man had donned his birthday suit, shuffling back and forth in front of his first-floor apartment window. The call had come into the station from a pearl-clutching neighbor across the street.... Continue Reading →


Find meat stuck in teeth of glaze-eyed Beasts, Of prey from some dangerless lands, Pluck out what was left from unprincipled feasts, And show them the fibrous strands. Upon seeing these, it'd cause no unease, Save for those with the conscience of rams, To dismantlers by degrees, as dutch elm disease, In unremorseful-laden hands. Find... Continue Reading →

The Jaded Copy Editor

"Well, slap mah ass and call me Clementine," the jaded copy editor said aloud to no one. The Chicago office was dark and she was no doubt the last in the building for the night, so she let her slaphappiness free. The jaded copy editor had just finished an editing marathon on an upcoming, southern... Continue Reading →

Psst, I Got a Boat Over Here

How friggin lame is it that I brought two prescription pill bottles and a gun? she asked herself. Talk about overkill. She smirked; pun time was any time. A perfect, dump-a-body pond was the predetermined spot, about an hour drive by backroads. Seated on its bank, ignoring the rotten egg smell, she dangled her legs... Continue Reading →

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